The World Keeps Turning

Major, heartbreaking events can make it feel like a person’s world has stopped.  It feels like everyone around you is moving on, and life continues, but you are stuck, even if briefly in that moment of misery.  Illness, loss of a loved one, divorce, and more can cripple you. Around you the world keeps turning.

I love both of my boys. They are my life, my heart, and my everything.  If I hadn’t married their father I wouldn’t have them, but I remember when I was going through my divorce in 2012 with my first husband.  I was young, and as I grew I expected him to also grow.  I can’t tell you how many messages, calls, and nights spent with my friend Dez I had during that dark time.  I was often a mess at work.  I worked with his dad and spent a lot of my lunches hiding, crying in my car.  I had a few friends at work who tried to help me through, too; Heather and Tyler.  In time, Tyler turned into more than a friend, but before that point there were multiple times he would walk over while he was having a smoke after lunch to catch me crying and try to cheer me up.  He was always trying to tell me to not worry. It would all work out with my husband because we had kids.  

During that time I tried everything I could think of to save our marriage; overwhelming him with love, boudoir photos for our anniversary that year (which I asked for during the divorce and never got back), screaming and yelling, I asked for marriage counselling (which I ended up getting my own during and after the divorce), and honestly nothing worked. A few moments during the thick of the “bad” stick out; asking him to stop spending money because we needed to pay our bills and him ignoring me, when I found out I was pregnant and his response was “Do we have to pretend to get along now”, when I miscarried that same pregnancy and got postpartum depression (partially hormonal, partially the state of our marriage – it was shortly after this I sought therapy) and he couldn’t figure out why I was so upset because as he worded it “it wasn’t even a real baby”, when I asked him to go to marriage counselling with me and he said “I won’t talk to you, what makes you think I’ll talk to a stranger”, or the worst was the shrug and “whatever” when I asked him if he wanted to get a divorce. Even now co-parenting with him is much the same; he doesn’t communicate well and can be very unkind.  I am not saying I am not at fault whatsoever; I had a fiery temper which I learned to control while going to therapy, but on occasion it still rears it's ugly head.

I told my ex as soon as I started seeing Tyler.  It was no secret.  We had decided to get a divorce, and Tyler was a distraction from the ugliness my life had become.  He was the rebound guy.  I kept him away from the kids for the first six months we were together because I figured he would be a passing phase to get me through the divorce, and I didn’t need the kids meeting someone that wouldn’t be in their life long term.  I tried to be transparent through it, but all these years later he decided to believe I was unfaithful. The world keeps turning.

Recently my ex let a bill with my name still attached to it go 6 months without paying it.  It started to adversely affect my credit score, so I paid the bill up to date for him.  I didn't want to deal with it while also dealing with cancer, but I kept getting debt collector calls for him for the bill.  I already have a running spread sheet of his half of the boys out of pocket expenses I haven’t been paid back for, so I contacted my lawyer. I had filed contempt back in 2015 for the same bill and other things previously.  I asked her to help me get my money back and my name off of this bill, as well as adjust child support to a more up-to-date amount since I started making more since our divorce finalization in 2013.  He’s started to communicate even less with me once he received the notice from my lawyer (which I didn’t know was possible) and bad mouth me (or oddly enough my daughter) on social media groups.  I have tried all these years since we separated to keep the peace for the boys. I shelter them from anything negative going on between us.  Trying keep the peace does not mean, however, that I will be taken advantage of. The world keeps turning.

In November 2014 my grandfather passed away from Alzheimer's.  He was the most significant male role model in my life, and even though it was expected, the blow still hurt more than I can express.  He and I were very close.  He built me up when I was a teenager and was always there when I needed him.  I prided myself in being able to smart mouth him when he was giving attitude, and our relationship was one that will never be replaced in my life.  I had no idea what to do in a world without him, but the world keeps turning.


After Tyler and I purchased our house in 2016, we decided to try for a baby.  I was pregnant fairly quickly, but when I was about 7 weeks pregnant I started to bleed.  (Cue flashbacks to my miscarriage.)  I went to the ER, and the baby was okay.  I had something called a subchorionic hemorrhage.  The baby was at risk until about 20 weeks of pregnancy, my doctor said it was a 50/50 chance I could lose the baby, and I was told to take it easy until week 20. I was mentally and emotionally wrecked. I bled consistently from that day until I was 14 weeks pregnant. Tyler kept the faith, and kept telling me everything would be fine. It was hard for me to be excited at any point during my pregnancy. I felt some excitement when we found out the baby was a girl, I documented my belly growth in pictures, and I kept my anguish for the most part off social media. I was nervous until I was about 35 weeks pregnant (a week after my baby shower.) My daughter was born on her due date, and the world keeps turning.

When my daughter was 5 weeks old (June 2017) my mother had a major heart attack and was hours away from dying according to her cardiologist.  I kept my cool most of that day, because she was alive. She hadn't died.  The seriousness of it all hit me later that night.  My father and his wife had left us some gifts for the kids on our back porch that day while I was at the hospital, and Tyler sent them a quick "Thank you" text to let them know we received it. I was scolded later by his wife because our thank you wasn't detailed enough, and she expected to know exactly what the kids thought of the gifts.  I explained the day had been hectic, but that everyone enjoyed the gifts.  A few months later my father and his wife cut ties with us over another text misunderstanding.  My mother is still alive, and she is doing well. The world keeps turning.

Then on November 1^st, 2018 I found out I had an aggressive form of breast cancer and was in for, literally, the fight of my life.  The world, well, it keeps turning.

Cancer, Chemo, & Kids!

There is nothing more terrifying than having three small children (10, 8, & 2) and being diagnosed with a life threatening disease.  As if a cancer diagnosis isn't enough to be threatening your life, having to undergo chemotherapy with school age and under children is absolutely nerve racking, too.  You are hit with this reality that you are about to be immune-compromised along with battling cancer.

My first thought after being diagnosed with triple negative breast cancer was "I DON'T WANT TO DIE".  After finding out I had a long chemo road ahead of me, again my thoughts fell to "Oh no, what if I get sick and end up in the hospital with some kind of complication like pneumonia because I'll have no immune system!"  Working full time through treatment was also scary, but nothing is scarier than germ factories... I mean children.  Schools and daycare are festering pools of yuck.  Tell me I'm wrong!

It's hard to take a deep breath when every cell in your body is screaming to survive, but surviving isn't easy anymore.  Luckily throughout chemo I managed to keep myself relatively healthy with a few hiccups.  We had help, to be honest.  The boys father, my ex-husband, either took the boys if we knew an illness was imminent, or kept them in some cases when they came down with something while he had them at his house.  This was one of the most helpful things while going through chemo.  It wasn't a catch all, but boy did it do wonders.  My in-laws took Evelyn if she was sick, and sometimes just to be nice so I could rest. All of this help ensured not only the kids were safe, but so was I.

The first time I caught something the kids brought home was the week before Christmas.  All three kids; Desmond, Shamus, and Evelyn, came down with a cold.  This could wasn't horrible, but enough that I had to skip chemo the week I came down with it.  All of us had low grade fevers, nasal congestion, and a slight cough.  Luckily we were all better within a week, but I can tell you the entirety of that week I paid extra close attention to my body. 

The second time the house was overrun with illness was the stomach bug in mid-January.  There wasn't anything that could be done.  The boys came home after school on a Thursday.  Hugs and snuggles were shared Thursday before bed, normal night.  Unfortunately Shamus began throwing up a few hours after he went to bed.  You might be asking "Why not send him to his dad's house?" Well, let me explain... my stomach had begun hurting shortly after waking up with Shay.  While I was helping him in the bathroom, bleaching, cleaning, all the while with a mask on to protect myself, it was already too late.  All the snuggles the night before must have done me in.  I never threw up to the extent Shamus did, but boy was I sick.  My husband Tyler got the bug, too.  Desmond and Evelyn lucked out and didn't get sick.  This illness lasted about 3 or 4 days for all of us.  Again, I tried to stay in-tune with my body and watch for signs of more serious complications.  Once I shook the stomach cramps, though, we were all good.

The last time I got sick during treatment, believe it or not, was the worst.  At the beginning of March Desmond came home with a cold.  It didn't seem bad at the time, and he'd had it for over a week so I figured it was lingering because the weather had warmed up and he also suffered from allergies.  That was not the case.  Evelyn caught the cold shortly after, as did Shamus.  The boys are fairly good at washing hands, but there is nothing you can do about a 23 month old with a running nose.  She was a mess.  I was on every other week chemo's at this point, and the day before receiving chemo I felt like I might be coming down with the cold, but it didn't seem too bad.  Two days after getting chemo, however, I was sicker than a dog.  Bad sinus and chest congestion, low grade fever and body aches.  The rest of the house got over the cold within 2 weeks, but mine just would not quit. I had a lingering, painful cough going on 3 weeks when I finally called my oncologist. Like I mentioned above, I was trying to pay attention to signs my body was giving me, and my body was angry and would not give me a break.  My oncologist wrote me out a prescription for a Z-pack in the hopes we could avoid me getting pneumonia.  Within the first two days of the antibiotics my cough no longer hurt, and a few days after completing the prescription I finally felt better.  It took me a good week longer than the rest of the family, and the help of a prescription to get over the illness, but I didn't end up in the hospital.  I am thankful for that.

The kids were sick here and there between and after these times, but I was able to avoid catching it.  One of those times included my last round of chemo that you can read about in my previous blog entry.  We also just got over a bought of another stomach bug that flew through the house the first week of April.  I got hit with this one, but with chemo being done I didn't feel as afraid.  Not to mention, while Shamus was laid up for 4 days, I felt better after 2, which I took as a good sign that my immune system was back up and running.


My very favorite thing about my life is my children. I love being a mom, but hot damn germs are scary!

PoOp

Poop, or bowel movements, have always been an entertaining topic for me.  Years ago I had a daily desk calendar with poop facts for every day of the year. (https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/home-gift-2019-daily-calendar-whats-your-poo-telling-you/32591234)  Why people shy away from poop boggles my mind.  Everyone does it. We have to train our kids to do it in a toilet. It's a natural thing.  Sure, it can be stinky, but who cares? It’s a fun, and funny topic. 

When you are on any kind of strong medication, whether it's an anti-nausea medication or a pain killer, a common side effect is constipation.  You know what else can constipate you? Chemotherapy.  So, picture if you will, receiving chemotherapy which makes you nauseous, so in turn you take an anti-nausea pill to ward off the pukes, and although it's bearable, you end up stopped up for a week after from both!  I can tell you without a doubt that just about all of the 16 rounds of chemo I had to withstand had the same result.  I’d suffer through it until FINALLY I would take a good shit and feel better.  There is something so amazingly satisfying about cleaning out your system after not having been able to go for a few days.  It’s like all that toxic waste you’ve been accumulating finally gets out and you are a whole new person!  I’m not wrong.  Think about it… I can’t think of a time I feel physically better than right after I take a good dump.

So, who do chemotherapy and other medications cause constipation?  Mostly it’s your body’s natural reaction to something that should not be in there.  Would you believe CIC (chemo-induced constipation) and CID (chemo-induced diarrhea) are among the leading causes of having to reduce a patient’s chemo dosage?  Each type of chemotherapy has its own special set of bullshit, but one thing they all have in common is they cause constipation, diarrhea, or both. (https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5093116/)  Think about that… not being able to shit, or not being able to stop shitting, lead the way in reasons someone would have to stop receiving the medication killing the cancer inside of them.  What a crazy thing to imagine!  Here I am complaining I can’t poop the first 5 days after treatment, and there are people who can’t even RECEIVE treatment because there issues are so bad.  Go ahead and check out the chart of all the different chemotherapies… it’s crazy! 

Side note: In the 5 months I received chemotherapy, the first 3 months I received Paclitaxel (Taxol) and Carboplatin (Paraplatin), and the last 2 months I received Cyclophosphamide (Cytoxan) and Doxorubicin (Adriamycin).  They all sound fun, don’t they?

The American Cancer society has a whole treatment page dedicated to helping patients poop: https://www.cancer.org/treatment/survivorship-during-and-after-treatment/staying-active/nutrition/nutrition-during-treatment/constipation.html  Diane, the NP who works with my oncologist, wasted no time at the beginning of treatment telling me exactly what I had to do to try to stay regular… and I DID everything she told me to.  Even after following her instructions I struggled for days after, but luckily I never had any long lasting and serious issues. 

Today is day six since my last round of AC.  My stomach was killing me yesterday because by then I’ve usually gone, and I hadn’t yet.  Let me tell you… this morning I finally let loose, then was able to go again after lunch.  I feel amazing this afternoon, all thanks to being able to take a poop!

Final Round of Chemo

On 3/28/19, after five months of chemotherapy, I received my final treatment.

The day began a little hectic.  Monday the 25th my oldest had a fever and came down with a stomach bug. Luckily he was at a friends house, and the mom who is a good friend of mine, kept him while he was ill.  Thursday, my middle child woke up with the fever and the same stomach bug.  He was too sick to leave the house, so my mother-in-law Shelly came over to sit with him until Tyler could get home to bring him to my last chemo festivities, which we did not want him to miss out on.

My best friend Desiree picked me up around 9:00 AM.  Dez brought along her camera and not only took a ton of photos for memory purposes, but also for a course she was taking.  I was happy to help her with school!

Treatment began as it always does; I had my labs drawn and met with my oncologist.  Dr. Pierce and I were both excited to be completing this part of treatment.  We took a selfie and exchanges hugs.  I headed back to the infusion area where I presented Lara with a gift, put a gift on Diane's desk (NP), and presented the rest of the girls with a gift I'd made for all of them: a pair of boobs made of suckers with a sign that says "CHEMO SUCKS".  It was a big hit.

Dez and I sat in the infusion room waiting for my lab results, as usual, and just chit-chatted until it was verified that I could begin infusion.  There was a woman and her husband in the room with us.  Her husband had a few good one-liners, but they were both pretty sleepy and we did not talk too much.  Lara came in to begin infusion, and the entire time we joked, laughed, and reminisced on the last five months.  The finality weighed on me, but I was able to keep my composure... until it was time to ring the bell.


The chemo bell; it's a joyful sound that rings through the infusion area when someone has completed their chemotherapy treatment.  The patient gets to ring the bell to their hearts delight.  I didn't go too crazy, but I rang that bell hard.  After I rang the bell, got pictures with all of the nurses, and Lara took out my port access, that's when I cried; tears because I was afraid, tears of exhaustion, and tears of relief.  It was a very emotional moment for me.  Depending on the day, those five months felt like either forever, or a blink. There is no in-between.


My step-MIL Beth has a friend associated with a non-profit organization called "Pink Heals". (https://www.pinkhealslakecountry.org/) They do nice things for cancer patients to help them through, and Amanda (Beth's friend) basically organized the entire thing for me, I just had to give her details of my appointment.  "The entire thing" was a ride home in a big, pink fire truck named Tonya.  (Hence why we didn't want Shamus to miss out on the fun.)  Nurses Lara and Lisa came out with Dez and me to see the fire truck, and when we got outside there were other volunteers waiting with pamphlets, flowers, and hugs for me.  Amanda was able to make it too, and gave me a ton of gifts; a Pink Heals hoodie, a notepad, an inspirational book, and more!  Just having the fire truck there, and all of those people in support of my end of treatment, was amazing.  

Tyler brought the kids, and the boys absolutely loved the fire truck.  Myself and both boys were able to sign our names on it.  So many people from the hospital came out to check out Tonya, as well.  She was a popular attraction.

The ride home was bumpy but fun. Tyler lead the way in his car with Evelyn, while Desmond, Shamus, and I rode in the cab of the fire truck.  When we pulled onto our street, the driver blared the fire truck siren for a good 20 seconds.  I was mortified, but the boys were thrilled.  It was 1:00 PM so luckily most people were not home, but the few that were stuck their heads out to see what was going on.

When I got home, Dez sent me a ton of photos from the day, and I posted on social media with details of all of the fun we were able to have.

It felt like closure to ride home in Tonya.  I am happy to be finished with chemotherapy, but the next steps come with their own struggles.  My double mastectomy is scheduled for 4/30 followed by a full hysterectomy on 5/20.  I am hopeful everything goes smoothly, but I am nervous.  This will be my first major surgery. I've had minor ones in the past, but nothing like this.

This chapter is closed, but the book is far from complete.  There is a lot of battle left to go, but I am going to fight this cancer... or I'll die trying.

Chemo rounds 13-15 (AC)

Welcome back!  You’ve probably previously read about my first 12 rounds of chemotherapy.  In total I had sixteen rounds of chemotherapy; the first twelve were Taxol and Carboplatin (Carbo being rounds 1, 4, 7 and 10.)  The final four rounds of chemo were a set of drugs that go by the acronym AC; Adriamycin (also known as the “Red Devil”, charming right?) and Cytoxan.  

Let me start by saying it’s as horrific as it sounds.  Where I was lucky with very few side effects from the Taxol and Carbo, I was very much the opposite with my luck on AC.  The cliché side effect of chemotherapy is nausea.  That and more hit me full force.  It’s literally like having the worst flu of your life.  So… let’s chat about each round, shall we?

Between rounds twelve and thirteen I had an appointment with my oncologist and had labs done, but was able to take a week break from chemotherapy before starting the yucky stuff.  I saw Diane (another patient) while I was there getting labs, and she told me she had her last round of chemotherapy that day!  I was happy for her, and we sat in the waiting room together until she was called in by the lab tech, Malisa.  I hope she’s doing well.

Round thirteen of chemo, round one of AC fell on Valentine’s Day 2019.  Tyler took me (his idea) so we could spend the day together. (We don’t really celebrate or buy gifts, but we do exchange cards).  To start the day, Tyler and I went to breakfast together.  We tried a place in Milwaukee neither of us had ever been to, Mad Rooster, and it was friggen delicious!  I filled my belly with yummy food, and we headed to the hospital.

Because I’d had such an easy time on the Taxol everyone;  Lara, Dr. Pierce, Tyler, and myself were all hopeful my side effects with AC would be minimal.  Lara was off the day of my first AC, so Lisa, another infusion nurse, did the honors of administering the red devil and doing my infusions.  Side note: all of the infusion nurses are amazing.

I sat in the party room (I’d sat in there a few times before), which is called the party room because instead of two infusion chairs there are four.  One would go to the party room if feeling chatty.  It’s usually the room with the most activity because it seats the most patients.  

There was a really awesome lady and her daughter there, and I am kicking myself right now because I cannot remember either of their names, but I can remember the daughter’s wife’s name was Ally.  (Memory is a weird thing, and also chemo brain is real.)  It’s a really good thing Tyler brought along a Sudoku book, because I spent the entire two hours of infusion talking to these two women.  The mother, who was the patient, was there for magnesium infusions.  She had finished chemo eight weeks before but was on a limited diet and couldn’t get her magnesium levels up high enough to get her surgery.  She had ovarian cancer.  I am hoping by now she’s had her surgery.  It shouldn’t, but it still surprises me how easily I bond with the people who sit with me during infusion.  I made a cute sign for my social media photo, and Tyler took my picture, as well as a photo of the syringe with the red devil inside of it.  We later took a selfie on our way out of the hospital, too.

After infusion, Tyler wanted to get some running around done.  I wasn’t sure how I was going to respond to the new chemo, and to be on the safe side I had him drop be off at home.  It’s a good thing, because two hours after I got home the side effects hit my like a ton of brick.  The nausea hit the hardest, followed closely behind by severe body aches, chills and hot flashes, and absolutely zero control over my emotions.  I cried most of the night; partly because of how terrible I felt, and partly because I was so shocked that I felt as bad as I did.  I had a friend who’d previously finished treatment stop by the house and drop off some of her anti-nausea meds (they were different from mine) and those helped control the nausea a little bit more, but I just could not seem to get on top of it.

The boys were off the following day, and I took them with me to get my Neulasta shot.  I also talked to Diane, the NP, and was able to get a second prescription for another anti-nausea medication to help combat that.  I tried to get control of the body aches with ibuprofen.  Honestly, though, there wasn’t anything that worked 100% that first round.  When we got home from my shot, I slept while the boys played video games all afternoon (mother of the year right here.)  The boys were amazing all day.  They brought we water when I needed it, they checked on me throughout the day, and they let me sleep when I told them I needed to.  I truly have some amazingly sweet children.

Between thirteen and fourteen, Dr. Pierce ordered a breast MRI to check on my tumors and see how they responded to the first chemotherapy.  I got my results two days later - and BOY were they amazing.  Best case scenario shit.  The tumor in my breast was undetectable on the MRI. They couldn't find it. They call that a "total response" to treatment. My metastatic lymph node tumor shrunk by half.  Also amazing news.  It gave me new motivation to get through the last three rounds of AC, which as you can imagine, I absolutely hate.

Round fourteen of chemo, round two of AC Beth came along with me again.  I saw Rosie right when we walked in and told her if she had time for me I’d love some Reiki.  I was wound so tight after having such a hard time with the first round, I knew I needed to relax.  I was trying to be positive, but I was shaking inside.  Rosie came in before infusion even began, turned down the lights, and started Reiki before Lara began administering the red devil.  

The Reiki really did help, and I was able to relax.  I didn’t make any signs for this round of chemo, in fact I totally forgot to have Beth take my picture altogether.  She did, however, take a photo of Rosie doing Reiki and Lara giving me chemo because she was so touched by the moment.  Turns out it was the perfect photo for my post.  

One of the moments that stands out the most for me about this week was Rosie incorporated my son Shamus into to Reiki treatment.  Just the fact that she remembered my children, knew their names, and knew their personalities just from our conversations and meeting them once, touched me heart.

When I got home from this treatment, I was alone and trying to stay self-aware.  I tried to pay attention to my body so I could pinpoint exactly when the changes began, and could get the anti-nausea medicine in my system as soon as the first tingle of pain began.  IT WORKED!  At the first sign of muscle pain and a few stomach cramps, I took one of my anti-nausea pills and two ibuprofen.  Even though I still felt like crud, it was nothing compared to the first time.  

The next day I went for my shot, reported that I was in better control of my side effects, and went on my way. Easy!  I could barely get out of bed I was so exhausted and my body hurt so much, but at least I didn't have constant nausea.

Round fifteen of chemo, round three of AC Kaitlyn accompanied me.  We sat in my favorite room, room four.  There’s nothing special about room four except that I like sitting there.  As usual, the person who was sitting in the room and I hit it off immediately.  Her name was Gail, and she talked to Kaitlyn and I the entire time we were there for infusion.  She had previously had cancer in her uterus, and was such an advocate for self-care and self-awareness that I was inspired.  When we first arrived she was receiving Reiki from Rosie.  I raised my hand and asked Rosie to come back when she had time because I was interested in receiving treatment again.

Gail and her husband were a lot of fun to talk to, and toward the end of my infusion after I’d received Reiki, Rosie had told us how Gail had given her a box full of beaded bracelets she had made herself during her down time.  She offered bracelets to Kaitlyn and me, and had me take one for each of the kids!  The bracelets were beautiful, and there is something truly special about receiving something handmade by someone you just spent three hours talking to and getting to know.  The boys love the bracelets I chose for them, and Evelyn seemed about as interested in hers as everything else she plays with.  It lasted about 25 seconds before she moved onto something else.  I’ll save it for her.

I went back in for my Neulasta shot that Friday, and it was uneventful.  I spent most of Friday fighting off intense fatigue and body aches and watching a new show I found on Hulu about wine.  Enough said.

My last round of AC was 3/28/19, but that round deserves a blog post of its own.

Chemo Rounds 10-12

Continuing with my chemo treatment stories...
The last three rounds of Taxol and Carboplatin were interesting, and also fun. (I know that’s a strange thing to read, it’s even stranger to be writing it.)

Round ten my mom took me, and my brother Chris tagged along knowing he’d be bringing me the following week himself.  He wasn’t sure what to expect and wanted to prepare himself.  

I asked my mom to bring her brightest red lipstick with, just for fun, so we could do a photo together.  She did.  I also wore bright red shoes.  My brother joined in the photo fun.  It was my last dose of Carbo, and I can tell you I was extremely thankful for that.  My labs were good, too, which is always something you want to hear.  It was fun chit-chatting with them, and Chris engaged in some playful banter with Lara.  She liked him immediately.
I also met a lovely woman named Diane while we were there.  It was her first time having chemo, and she was nervous.  We all tried to give her support through infusion, and unfortunately she did experience an allergic reaction and some side effects of the chemo itself.  She was on a different drug than I was receiving, but the side effects were very similar to those I could’ve ended up having but didn’t.  To try to help her make it through infusion, Rosie came in and performed Reiki.  (Rosie, the Reiki lady.  That woman is an angel.)  My mom and brother were extremely respectful during Diane’s Reiki, and you could see and feel that it was helping her get through.
The weekend after round ten I was sore and tired, but again, the Carbo didn’t seem to have too harsh of an effect on me.  THANK GOODNESS!

Round eleven Chris drove me.  Are you a “Stranger Things” fan? I am!  So, of course, being round eleven I did a play on words.  I printed off a photo of the character “Eleven” and even held a waffle in my mouth during my picture for social media.  Diane sat in my infusion room with me again for her second round of chemo.  She, Chris, and I all chatted through the three hours I was there.  I learned a lot of Diane’s family, and she learned a lot about mine.  She has a great-granddaughter named Evelyn, just as my daughter’s name is Evelyn.  This round of chemo went a lot more smoothly for her, which was awesome!  
Chris and I went out of Indian food after chemo, which is one of our favorites.  He also drove me to the store… my own personal chauffeur for the day.  It felt more like we were hanging out than he was taking me for cancer treatment.  It was a good day, and because it was only a taxol week the weekend felt like any other weekend.

Can you say POLAR VORTEX?  Round twelve came when the Midwest was experiencing record breaking cold weather.  My sons, Desmond and Shamus, ended up having multiple school cancellations during this time because of the dangerously cold weather.  
Shelly took me to this round of chemo, and the boys came along!  (Evelyn goes to the sitters, even on chemo days, because she is too little to be allowed in the infusion area.)  The boys being 8 and 10 were old enough to sit there with us.  Shelly took each of them to the café and the hospital gift shop, one at a time, during the two and a half hours we were there.  I let them bring their tablets should the get bored. Honestly, having them there was actually enjoyable.  Lara put them to work (or rather they put themselves to work) passing out snacks to other patients receiving infusions, they were polite and quiet the entire time they were there, and they were inquisitive.  They asked questions, and I felt like it was really important to see what I was going through, both for myself and for them.  
Diane, the patient I’d sat with the two infusions earlier, sat with us toward the end of infusion and was able to meet the boys.  Rosie came to visit, and since I always talking about them, was extremely excited to meet them!  The NP, Diane, came in as we were packing up to leave and told me how wonderful the boys are, and how well behaved they are (little does she know…).  I was so humbled by the compliment, and showered the boys with it the rest of the day.  They really were wonderful during treatment.  They said and did all the right things, and I couldn’t ask for better sons.

Round twelve was my last Taxol treatment before starting a little bit harsher chemo, but more on that to come!

For more information on the type of chemotherapy I received for the first 12 doses, please follow this link: https://www.cancer.gov/about-cancer/treatment/drugs/CARBOPLATIN-TAXOL

Chemo Rounds 7-9

There is a good chance if you're reading this post, you've read the previous two about my chemo adventures!

Fun fact: before every round of chemo I have to have lab work done to ensure my blood cell counts are OK, and make sure I am healthy enough to receive chemo.  There were a few times some of my counts were border-line but I still received treatment.  Unfortunately, however, on 12/22 when I went in to receive treatment, that was not the case.  My white blood cells, red blood cells, and platelets were all in too low of range to get treatment. In addition I was running a low grade fever (bad news if you are on chemo), and had a cold.  Hurray for being immune-compromised!  I had my work holiday luncheon that day, so fortunately because I did not have treatment, I was able to make the entirety of my holiday party! In addition, Tyler had come with me, and was able to go to work and be paid for half a day!  (Which was nice since FMLA hours are unpaid, so my checks are scary!)

So, round seven was postponed because of my lab work.  I still posted a photo to social media explaining, and rather than a photo from an infusion room, it was a photo of my holding a gift I'd received in the mail along with an explanation that I wouldn't be receiving treatment that day.  Luckily, through the entirety of treatment, this was the only time I had to skip. 

Round seven came the following week.  Beth came with me again, and Gabby, my other sister-in-law was on winter break and decided to also come!  The lovely Marsha sat in our infusion room with us, and Beth had met her previously so it was actually a really great time.  Gabby asked a lot of questions about our diagnosis process, as she was getting ready to write a college entrance essay.  As per usual, I posted a photo to social media, but asked Beth and Gabby to be in the photo with me.  Marsha took the photo for us.  

Side note: the previous round of chemo which had been 2 weeks prior, Marsha was also with me.  My mom had been there that round and was able to meet both Marsha and Marsha's mom.  Have I mentioned how much I adore Marsha?  She's hilarious, fun, and it just feels good to be around her.

Round seven was a carbo week.  I was expecting to feel pretty down over the weekend, but by some miracle the weekend was not half bad!  It was the best I had felt after a carbo infusion since chemo had begun!  Happy New Year!

If I am being completely honest, I can’t remember much about round eight.  I am taking that as a good sign.  Things I do remember:  Shelly (MIL) came with me, my hat matched the infusions chair I sat in which made for an awesome social media photo (important things), I received Reiki and fell asleep during it, and my friend Laura named one of her chickens “Brave Betty” in honor of me.  It was only a taxol week, so I assume the side effects were minimal.  Honestly, the Reiki probably relaxed me so much that there wasn’t much TO remember about that day.  Sometimes that is okay.

A few days before the ninth round of chemo I registered for the Relay for Life walk/run for the American Cancer Society.  I added this to my social media post and asked for donations or for friends to join my team.  A few donated, a few joined my team.  As of today the walk hasn’t happened.  It’s in two weeks.  This was a taxol only week, and over the weekend I was tired but overall felt half-way decent.  The other Beth Gramz came to this round of chemo with me again, and honestly it was a lot of fun just hanging out with her and talking.  It seems strange to think, but Beth and I have discussed how despite this being a scary situation, we’ve grown a lot closer from it.  It’s been pretty great becoming more than just “family”!  I would say we are truly good friends now. 

There is still time to donate to my American Cancer Society Relay for Life walk on 4/6/19:  http://main.acsevents.org/goto/bravebetty

Thanks for reading… more to come!