Fuck me, right?
The first thing I did when I was diagnosed was google everything. Guess what? I was convinced I was going to die.
I received a good prognosis from my oncologist. I had a full response to chemo and she told me recurrence was unlikely... however, because I was stage 3, I had MANY questions after my initial appointment that I needed clarified. Once I hit the 5 year mark without mets, then I'll only have a 10% change of recurrence. IF I hit the 5 year mark. At stage 3, survival rates drop significantly from 93% survival rate at stage 2, to 72% survival rate at stage 3. https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/324272.php
Of course, all of this depends on how your overall health is, how old you were when diagnosed (over 35 is a better outlook; sadly for me I was 33), how many children you've had, if you breast fed, the list goes on.
Not the point; the point is if this shit comes back, my survival rate sinks to 22%. GOOGLE IS NOT YOUR FRIEND.
Many of you know I've got other stresses in my life. I am doing my best to alleviate these, and hopefully in a few months I can forget all about it and move on. All I want to do is spend as much time with my children and family as I can, while I can. Just in case. That's my priority now and for the rest of my life - however long that is.
I have a bright outlook, I swear I do. Everything that happened in my case was best-case scenario. Full response to chemo, even though I had lymph node involvement my pathology on my lymph nodes was negative at the time of surgery, I had a double mastectomy and full hysterectomy to lessen my chances of it growing somewhere it shouldn't again, and now I am undergoing radiation. I am doing everything possible to be, and stay, cured. Just this past Saturday I woke up with a scaly red, pimple like rash over the area I receive radiation in. Small prices to pay to be healthy.
BUT...
There are no guarantees in this life.
I could get hit by a truck crossing the street.
I could be struck by lightening.
I could choke on a chicken bone.
I could get metastatic cancer.
I stopped looking things up on the internet pretty quickly, but every now and again I get sucked into the numbers game. I like to remind myself of my odds. I may not like the numbers, but I have to look at them.
The odds only matter as much as I allow them to. I am going to try to keep myself as healthy as I can, and that is all I can do. I am going to fill my home with love and laughter, I am going to live in the moment, and god damn it, I am going to stop googling... for today.
I have a bright outlook, I swear I do. Everything that happened in my case was best-case scenario. Full response to chemo, even though I had lymph node involvement my pathology on my lymph nodes was negative at the time of surgery, I had a double mastectomy and full hysterectomy to lessen my chances of it growing somewhere it shouldn't again, and now I am undergoing radiation. I am doing everything possible to be, and stay, cured. Just this past Saturday I woke up with a scaly red, pimple like rash over the area I receive radiation in. Small prices to pay to be healthy.
BUT...
There are no guarantees in this life.
I could get hit by a truck crossing the street.
I could be struck by lightening.
I could choke on a chicken bone.
I could get metastatic cancer.
I stopped looking things up on the internet pretty quickly, but every now and again I get sucked into the numbers game. I like to remind myself of my odds. I may not like the numbers, but I have to look at them.
The odds only matter as much as I allow them to. I am going to try to keep myself as healthy as I can, and that is all I can do. I am going to fill my home with love and laughter, I am going to live in the moment, and god damn it, I am going to stop googling... for today.
