My body is getting used to something being missing, and I have to be patient with it. The gyno onco surgeon said the hysterectomy would be an easier surgery and recovery, and she said I’d probably feel pretty good two days post surgery. Don’t get me wrong, I do feel a little better every day, but I couldn’t easily get up from sitting on a chair or in a car until yesterday, which was six days post surgery. Getting up from laying down isn’t as hard as the first few days after my mastectomy, but it’s still difficult. It doesn’t occur to you how many abdominal muscles you use to get up until they hurt like hell to use. That, in combination with my chest muscles being sore, make for some creative, and I’m sure hilarious to watch, attempts to get up in the morning. The hysterectomy itself went well, my IUD did a good job of keeping my endometriosis in check, and the surgeon said she didn’t have to remove as much scar tissue as she was expecting while she was in there... now I am just waiting for the super fun menopause symptoms to begin.
I was aggressive with my plans during the week, thinking I’d be up and moving around much more than I was actually able to. I ended up having to cancel breakfast plans with someone, then had to get a ride from my MIL to one of the kids doctor appointments the same day. It all worked out, but I am so disappointed that even today I still don’t feel very good. I’m so damn tired.
The boys were off school Friday, 5/24/19. I managed to drive the three of us to an appointment I had at the hospital, then to get lunch, then to the vet for one of the cats. Although I had to shift myself a few times during those rides, I was happy that the worst of the discomfort had passed, and I felt well enough to drive. I was exhausted by the end of the day, but at least I achieved something. I ventured out of the house for a few hours Saturday and today (Sunday), as well, but mostly I’m still taking it easy.
The week wasn’t all bad. On Thursday 5/23/19, Tyler picked me up and we got my official prognosis from my oncologist. She was quick but covered the bases. I began with stage 3A breast cancer that had metastasized in my lymphatic system; a tumor in my left breast and a tumor under my left armpit. After 16 rounds of chemo, I had what they call a total response. The first twelve rounds of chemo killed the cancer in my breast and shrunk the armpit tumor by half. The last four rounds finished off the armpit tumor before I had surgery. During surgery my lymph nodes tested negative for any sign of residual cancer, and after being sent to a pathology lab, my breast tissue from both sides also came back with no signs of residual cancer. My uterus, ovaries, and fallopian tubes also came back negative for any signs of cancer from the pathology lab. This means no addition chemo is needed, it means after radiation treatment I’ll have a “10% chance or less” of re-occurrence, and it means I’m finally in remission!
I do still have to have radiation. The type of cancer I had, triple negative, and how advanced my stage was, means radiation is a must. It’s a fail safe to ensure the area won’t ever start growing cancer again. Total I will have 28 rounds. I get fitted for my arm pillow on 5/30 and start rads the following week.
I start physical therapy Tuesday 5/28. I’m not sure how long I’ll have to go, but I feel like I’ve already got a pretty good range of motion in my right arm. My left arm definitely needs some work, though.
I’m thrilled that I’m officially in remission and absolutely plan to party in celebration of this, but I don’t have the energy or feel well enough for that party just yet. In addition, strange as it may seem, I’m overwhelmed with everything I can’t do. If I walk, lay down, or sit too long I get cramps, if I move the wrong way I hurt my chest, arms, or abdomen. I want to DO things, but I can’t DO things. I’m not allowed to push or pull anything, I’m on a weight restriction of 10 lbs or less for another week, and after that a restriction of 20 lbs or less for four weeks. I can’t clean, take care of Evelyn, and can hardly take care of myself. I’ve been living the cancer life for almost eight months now.Asking Tyler to do things for me or around the house when he’s already been doing so much for so long gets harder and harder. He is also exhausted, and makes sure to remind me every day how exhausted he is. Sure, we’ve got family offering to help, but everyone has already done so much. I hate having to ask for help. I thought it was hard to ask for help when this all began, but honestly I think it’s harder now.
All in all, I’m elated about remission, I look forward to PT, I’m nervous about rads, I’m dreading menopause symptoms, and I am eagerly anticipating the day when I’m a functioning part of our household again!
